you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
