We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
