I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
