Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
