two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
one might say we're banned from that church
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
