Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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