There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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