I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
