hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
