I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
