I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
