is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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