If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
