Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
