If i come over, it means nothing
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
