i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
