My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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