I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
