I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
