i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
