Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
