Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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