I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
