Who wears a wallet chain?!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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