My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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