Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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