I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i will never coherently bang her
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
