that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
