I met the friendliest cop last night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
