you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
