so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
