i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
