my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
