just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
