apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
