like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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