It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
