nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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