Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
