I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
