I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
