If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
