he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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