Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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