Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
