I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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