we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Randomize
