You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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