i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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