How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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