remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
