Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
