Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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