just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
