I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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