i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
