Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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