I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
