i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
