I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
