Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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