Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
