bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
