i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
