I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I touched a dick in church today
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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