i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
