So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
