i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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