Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She bit a glass in half.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
