Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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