cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
